Saturday, February 26, 2011

Figuring it Out...

First off, I want to apologize for not writing a blog for the last three weeks. I could rattle off a bunch of excuses as to why I haven’t written anything, but I will save you the time. As I have been reading the other blogs this week, I have seen that some of us are in the same boat with feeling “out of it” in CIRCLES or feeling like we aren’t good at it. I came to the realization at Third Wednesday that I was beginning to put CIRCLES on my “to-do” list rather than seeing it as an opportunity to build community and learning more about myself through others and experiencing God’s spirit in a new way.

I am a type of a person that doesn’t like to fail or quit things. But I can honestly say that I was considering to drop out of CIRCLES because I felt like I couldn’t do it anymore because I had the feeling that I had too much on my plate. As I was pondering over the difference between failure and success, I was reminded of what Todd said in the first orbiter, that success isn’t measured by what we have materialistic to show to people, but what we have done for God. I saw that CIRCLES is something that God has called me to for this time in my life. And instead of trying to pressure myself to be “good” at CIRLCES, I decided that I am going to trust in God that He will give me the strength that I will need to endure as the next few months of CIRCLES rolls out. I believe that I am not only going to learn more about other people during this time, but I can already see God revealing so much of myself in these last few weeks.

Two weeks ago as I was preparing my lesson to teach in Studio K, I was strongly reminded that I need to be more concerned with Who’s I am? versus Who I am? I was teaching on Peter and how Jesus had to reveal to him time and time again that the things he was good at or did didn’t need to define him but rather that God had a great plan for him and that he was a Beloved Child of God. I relate a lot with Peter because I too can be very stubborn and loose sight of who’s I am by being more concerned with who I am and what others think of me. I tend to give more credit and validation to the approval of others and silent God’s voice and the Holy Spirit.
Growing up in a pastor’s home, I always felt the pressure of having to please everyone and started to plan out and live my life according to what others thought would be best for me as opposed to following God’s will.

With all this being said, I started to see CIRLCES as something that I needed to do in order to please people, but when it come down to the root of it, I applied for CIRCLES because I wanted to do it and I wanted to grow deeper in relationships. By admitting this to you guys, I can already see my relationships in CIRCLES stepping into a whole new element. I am excited to see where God takes me in the next 6 months and what amazing things He has in store not only for me, but for all of us that are embarking on this journey in life. Thank you so much for hearing me out. I appreciate all of you!

15 comments:

  1. Dead on.

    It's good that we're moving past the phase where everyone's just super excited. It's not fresh and new and shiny anymore. It's work. But God moved many of us to do it, and whether we knew it or not He knew the kind of work we'd have to do.

    Now is when our commitment is tested. Now it becomes less about feelings and more about decisions.

    Honestly, I think that as we all get more open, more honest, and decide to face the work...well...I think we're going to find the feelings again. But for now...it's about making decisions.

    Bravo Adrienne.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Nice. Being in Circles also helps me see "who's I am" - by seeing my brothers and sisters, rather than thinking about who I am. Great to talk to you on Saturday!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I had been seeing Circles in the same way. I think we all need to be reminded of why we embarked on this journey in the first place. It is so easy to slip into complacency and it is cool to see how God is opening your eyes to what He has in store for you in these next few months.

    ReplyDelete
  4. amen, adrienne. i've definitely been feeling this way--like i'm bad at it and should maybe just quit for the good of the group--but as i moved past that guilt, recognizing it as a lie, i'm finding a new motivation to go through the work and the hard parts. we're a part of something really valuable here.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thanks for the good reminder to stop and consider our "to do" list... Checking something off a list is nothing compared to enjoying the experience of whatever is there to be done ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  6. I agree with Corinne, I love the "who's I am versus who I am" idea. Such an important concept to remember. I am so glad to hear that you are being so intentional about Circles now... I really haven't gotten to know you all that well and I really want to! I'll be praying for you Adrienne.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I started to feel this way last week. I just didn't have the time to read and reply to blogs. It was getting a little annoying because it was becoming a "to-do" and not something that I enjoyed. I've realized that I just need to keep up with everything as much as I can every day so it doesn't become this huge looming thing I constantly think about. Thanks for sharing!

    ReplyDelete
  8. i'm so glad you're here and we get to share in this season together.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I couldn't have said it better myself Adrienne! I had the same realization last night, when I found myself having a giant list of To-Do's and I found myself putting the blog, book, and saturdays somewhere in the middle of that long list of things. I'm glad you made the decision to stay! I think everyone is going through this, in some way or another. It should be about "being good at circles"...but rather "being IN circles" :) Glad we're IN this together! Have an awesome day!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I love what Nick said...this is our commitment being tested. When the glamour is gone, which it happens to all of us, do we stay strong and remember why we were even called here in the first place. Great post Adrienne! And it was fun seeing you on the dinner cruise on Vday! =)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Great to read, Adrienne.
    So awesome to see God teaching you:)

    ReplyDelete
  12. I have just placed the word "opportunity" in connection with Circles. love that you came to the same conclusion.

    ReplyDelete
  13. good to hear your conclusion about all this. I know I as well get caught up in placing the program on my to do list (I mean look how late I am in posting this), but once I start taking the time to invest myself I can remember why I am doing it and how exciting and worth it it is. Glad to see your getting back into it!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Thanks for this...now give me more.

    What's happening since?

    ReplyDelete