Wow! It’s been over a month since I have posted anything. I apologize for lacking on my commitments. Life has been a whirlwind for me the last two months and the last thing I wanted to do was slow down, sit and write a post. I also struggled with the fact to write anything of significance and how vulnerable and honest I could be in my posts. I know that I don’t know many of you that well and that is a huge blame on me. I have come to realize that my relationships in Circles are very surfacing and really don’t go beyond lunch conversations and the Saturday roundtables. It’s not that I don’t want to dive into deeper/meaningful relationships with you guys, it’s just that I haven’t really made it a priority in my life. I am the type of person that over commits herself and don’t know when to say no.
Since a very young age I have always been the person in my friend group that has too much on her plate or was “too busy” to play because I had a giant to do list to finish off. Throughout the years I have seen some of my friendships be destroyed by my busyness. Yeah it sucks in the moment to lose a great friendship over stupid stuff, but somehow I’m still so stubborn and refuse to lighten my load because I feel like if I don’t do it, then it will never get done. I make myself feel like I’m irreplaceable; when in reality anyone can come in and do the things I do. It really comes down to me finding value in the things I do, rather than finding my value in God. With having this mentality I limit my view of God and the power that He has. I find myself trying to make God a God of convenience or a what can you do for me God.
The question that I have been battling with for the past week is who do I say God is rather than who is God to me. Although those questions may seem similar, the first question is identifying God for who HE is and not identifying him according to the things he does for me or offers me. My prayer is that I would be awakened to the HOLINESS of God and realize what is most important in my life. The things that the world identifies as success is only mere contentment, but the satisfaction of living in God’s will, will last for eternity and bring so much more joy and peace.
I promise slices, that I will start to put Circles as a priority in life and start to open myself to building relationships with you guys.