First off, I want to apologize for not writing a blog for the last three weeks. I could rattle off a bunch of excuses as to why I haven’t written anything, but I will save you the time. As I have been reading the other blogs this week, I have seen that some of us are in the same boat with feeling “out of it” in CIRCLES or feeling like we aren’t good at it. I came to the realization at Third Wednesday that I was beginning to put CIRCLES on my “to-do” list rather than seeing it as an opportunity to build community and learning more about myself through others and experiencing God’s spirit in a new way.
I am a type of a person that doesn’t like to fail or quit things. But I can honestly say that I was considering to drop out of CIRCLES because I felt like I couldn’t do it anymore because I had the feeling that I had too much on my plate. As I was pondering over the difference between failure and success, I was reminded of what Todd said in the first orbiter, that success isn’t measured by what we have materialistic to show to people, but what we have done for God. I saw that CIRCLES is something that God has called me to for this time in my life. And instead of trying to pressure myself to be “good” at CIRLCES, I decided that I am going to trust in God that He will give me the strength that I will need to endure as the next few months of CIRCLES rolls out. I believe that I am not only going to learn more about other people during this time, but I can already see God revealing so much of myself in these last few weeks.
Two weeks ago as I was preparing my lesson to teach in Studio K, I was strongly reminded that I need to be more concerned with Who’s I am? versus Who I am? I was teaching on Peter and how Jesus had to reveal to him time and time again that the things he was good at or did didn’t need to define him but rather that God had a great plan for him and that he was a Beloved Child of God. I relate a lot with Peter because I too can be very stubborn and loose sight of who’s I am by being more concerned with who I am and what others think of me. I tend to give more credit and validation to the approval of others and silent God’s voice and the Holy Spirit.
Growing up in a pastor’s home, I always felt the pressure of having to please everyone and started to plan out and live my life according to what others thought would be best for me as opposed to following God’s will.
With all this being said, I started to see CIRLCES as something that I needed to do in order to please people, but when it come down to the root of it, I applied for CIRCLES because I wanted to do it and I wanted to grow deeper in relationships. By admitting this to you guys, I can already see my relationships in CIRCLES stepping into a whole new element. I am excited to see where God takes me in the next 6 months and what amazing things He has in store not only for me, but for all of us that are embarking on this journey in life. Thank you so much for hearing me out. I appreciate all of you!