Last Saturday’s discussion about being “present” really hit home and triggered a lot of thought this past week. During the week I reflected on how so many times when it comes to relationships I am always looking one step ahead and loose sight of the moment. There have been many times in my life that I have lost genuine and intentional relationships due to the fact that I was so worried about how it was going to turn out in the future or what they thought of me. I robbed myself of some great moments and conversations. I am a very busy body so when it comes to sitting down and building relationships it is difficult for me to really be “present”. I either find myself thinking about the million of other things I need to attend to or the fact that I could be using my time better.
The whole idea of being present and embracing the moments that are set before me really hit me hard this week when one of our family friends suffered a massive stroke this week. He is the type of person that is always consumed in his work and is always living life 2 steps ahead and never slows down to take a moment to be present. When I found out the news about his illness, I lost it because it made me really see that I have started to live my life in that way. I absolutely love my job, but I have found that many times I don’t do that great of a job of “being there” for my staff and students. I work in an inner city community and I have many families that come into my office seeking help or just wanting someone to talk to and more often than not I find myself coming up with all of these ideas or directions to point them into, but haven’t really intentionally listened or been there for them in that moment. Many times the only thing that they want is to feel listened to and cared about.
I think the reason that I am always trying to looking ahead is because I am scared that I am going to fail or miss out on a great opportunity, when in reality I’m missing amazing opportunities by not living in the here and now. I need to learn a balance between living for now and also planning for the future. I also need to learn to slow down and be content with not being immersed in everything and spreading myself too thin. I need to learn to trust God and now that He is the ultimate provider and that in the end He is the one I’m living for.